Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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