so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
