my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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