So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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