You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
