Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Come on in and take your pants off
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