I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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