Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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