Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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