I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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