I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
