Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
