In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
