I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
