Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize