Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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