gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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