I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
