bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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