He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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