this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
