Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
