Please, let me fuck your mom
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
