8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
