If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Mom said you looked used
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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