don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
