Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
