This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
