She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
