just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
