I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My vagina just recognized that song.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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