did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
