i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
