You're so nebulous sometimes
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
