I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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