Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
