i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
