well most of my day revolves around power hour
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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