He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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