I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The best revenge is premature balding
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
