when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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