Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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