Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
