it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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