I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
