she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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