someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
