I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
