i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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