Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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