When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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