Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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