I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
