he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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