I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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