Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
