I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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