So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
