he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
