Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
