i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
