somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
