i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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