Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
