i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
