I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize