Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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