Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
