I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
